Recently I worked with a woman who was having issues in her relationship. Her partner was often ‘needing space’ in order to regain her own self/refill her batteries. Through talking with her about how she felt when her partner spent time away she came to the awareness this was pushing her buttons of feeling unlovable. She realised that part of the issue was that she hadn’t deciphered whether she was truly loveable so she was unconsciously relying the relationship as a way of gaining evidence to fulfill an inner need.
Clients often ask me how do I know myself? How do I like myself? There are so many books it is overwhelming, “what is the way” clients often ask and “how do I do it”? Like religion there are many paths however I believe there are keys to commence the journey. One of the biggest keys is to ‘listen’. Witness yourself without judgement. Easy said, be patient. I often liken it to learning to ride a bike. Observe the bike first. Look at all the parts. Stillness, watching, seeing.
‘It is not a pumping – in from the outside that gives wisdom it is the power and extent of your inner receptivity that determines how much you can attain of true knowledge and how rapidly, you can quicken your evolution by awakening and increasing the receptivity of your brain cells’
This can be done through meditation, dreams, contemplation or counselling. My own journey started with writing/journaling.
This is what I did:
- After every day I chose an aspect of my day to journal about
- I wrote about what happened, how it made me feel, my thoughts, how I responded, if it triggered other memories
The emphasis is to write without judgement to look back and observe yourself in third person. I found I developed an insight into my thoughts, feelings, reactions and triggers. I started to really know who I was, sometimes it wasn’t easy and sometimes I didn’t want to look. I kept going.
You can become familiar with your strengths and weaknesses so that you can face them even if you feel like you are not able to change them.
I really believe that good counselling holds up a mirror to yourself so that you can see who you are being and why. This gives you great power as it provides you with choice. Choice to change or awareness to accept what is.